I'm excited and scared

I got my keys to my new apartment by the beach. I need to go measure tomorrow and put in some boxes.
Oh my god, I have a place of my own now... wow...

Moving.. next week

My dream to live walking distance to the beach is almost complete.
Next week I will sign a contract for a tiny loft "1" block away from the beach.
I can also walk to trader joe's, coffee shops, restaurants, yoga, bristol farm, cute shops and etc.

It's even pet friendly if I want a pet.

Then when I have enough money, I am going to buy my self a bicycle to cruise on beach walk.

I can even see the ocean from my windows for less than 1000 mo. I guess some things are good.

Finally on my own... yay!!!

Trying to move on.

I went to Venice beach today. Trying to feel the vibe if I like to live there.
Well, I guess I am not ready yet to venture out.
I also looked for a new pair of shades because I had left it behind...I wish I could get it back...
It's hard to find shades that I like.
it's even harder to find a watch with mickey mouse in it.
I am kind of disappointed that it was not sent back to me.

I think I'll be moving into my new place next month in RB. If things goes well I'll be one block away from the beach in a tiny studio w/ a loft. Enough to fit me and only me.

yah,
My first goal I made to myself will be accomplished.

work work work so I don't feel

Monster ad header for interplace inc. Design by me

Consultants at work were specialists not only for work. The ladies gave me tutorials of how to catch the right fish.
1. Never say you know how to cook.
2. Never say you know how to massage.
3. Never say you know how to clean.
4. Always have the fish pay for you cuz' you are a divine delicacy from the exquisite and rich high quality J islands.
Because, once you do any of the above the fish will make you bait not mate.

I wished I knew them a little earlier...hard lessons learned...I am an exotic delicacy that should not be easily caught...

latest project interplace inc.

Logo Design for Interplace, inc. staffing agency, my first design work for my work.
it's for adwipes to give to clients and applicants. adwipes.net

...

when you're working, you don't think. It's when you are all alone in your room when the sadness smear your heart.
I really had high hopes. Even with all the differences. I did believe for a brief moment that love will conquer all.

Even now I still want to believe that all will mended. Silly isn't it?

It's as though I am wishing for LA to snow in August.
all lost... because of my fear of neglect and my impatient bad temper. sigh..

work, so I won't think anymore. that's all I can do..now...

A good friend to screw my head back in place

My friend Pt and I talked about the website and few other things tonight.

Realized that:

I don't have time to be sulking over the hurt and the pain blah blah blah.

I am priceless and if I'm not worth fighting back for then Oh well..

It's a shame but not my loss.

I felt like crying all day, but I think Pt screwed my head back in place so I know where I should be focusing on.

animation, work, school,music and apartment hunting.

And if I do want to splurge, I have no problem finding a date it seems.
I'll just leave my heart locked away at home, that's all.

I guess I'll keep some of my dresses after all. got new shoes to compliment them too.

head to toe in Calvin Klein... yeah...ese bueno.

and if I sound like a total B-tch? I guess some of my old rocker self is still in me.
The part I hid in past relationships. Well, I'm not gonna be some submissive jap to wait on guys anymore. F**k that.

I'm moving to a new phase in life and who ever catches me must be in the right frame of mind.

regrets

I regret many things said. But, it had to be said.

I regret saying hurtful things, but I hurt long before inside...

I don't deserve another heartbreak after what I had to go through.

My heart is just too fragile.

With all that's been done, I still have "love" for you.

I hope you will learn to truly love again.

Find your other half that makes you whole.

I wished I made you whole...

I'm sorry I couldn't make you... whole.

Girl's bestfriend

They say girl's best friend is diamonds. I differ, it is the plastic that pays for it or the person who has the plastic is your best friend. I have lots of Mr. plastics in my bag.

Mr. plastic played a great role at "the grove" today. Searching for new sunglasses I came back with 4 cute dresses instead(all on sale). I know now why mom and grandma went shopping ALOT. They felt sad and needed to feel beautiful... for at least a little while.
I bought all these dresses but no one I want to date anymore... so..um.. yah..
I probably will return most of the dresses later.

I ditched class today. Went out to town and had lunch at THE original farmer's market and shopped at Nordstroms.

Needed to distract the feeling of stupidity of being pissed off and
the anger that still linger within from being "the fool" again.
Sadness that my hopes were all but a wishful thinking.
Disappointment.. in all of my judgments I have made.

It's always the same when I start to trust and open my heart... sigh...
I should of never opened my heart...

never should of trusted anyone...
should of just put on a mask..
and played the role...
numb the soul...
be a plastic doll...

just like before...
so I won't feel anymore...

un-special...
is all I know...

What a fool to even believe... at all...

I wish...

I wish my dog was still alive to kiss my tears away... or at least rub my tears all over his fur