fingers on the keyboard

I woke up with my hands on the keyboard of my laptop. I fell asleep working on the web.. or at least tried to work on the website. I don't even remember when I fell asleep. I have way too much on my plate right now..

Today at work, I felt like a man. There was a roach on the wall and all my co-workers (5 ladies) plus the president (male) were scared of it. So I had to catch it and kill it with tissue and bare hands. In my new tight calvin klein grey dress with black pointy boots I felt like the man of this office. How ... sad...
I guess at least I looked GOOD and DAMN SEXY in my new dress. Ha ha ... sigh...

I had a bloody nose tonight and felt I really wanted to call and have comfort words preferably a sexy manly voice. I wanted to have someone take care of me for once. or at least give me a warm hug or something...
So who did I call?

No one...

cuz' I don't need to be a burden.I don't want for anyone to feel that I am a burden
....but maybe that is my problem not asking...not showing my wants...

like not telling bluntly about my birthday when I should of just said celebrate with me, not asking firmly to go places together, or simple as I want a drink damn it! blah blah blah...

It's so stupid... Expecting a man to take the lead these days...THAT is wishful thinking for SURE!

I need to be stimulated! I need to feel beautiful! At this rate, with killing roaches and feeling manly I might turn BI or participating in the L word.

arghhhhh.

OK that is way too much mind boggle.

All I know is

I don't feel special....

I don't feel beautiful...

I don't know.... connection fading...

I feel... distance...