Me and my les paul reunite

I don't know how to explain what i am feeling right now... It's like rebirth. My passion is back!!! WHAT I've been looking and searching for all this time... 2?3? years? I feel again. I'm not numb anymore.
My heart is not a rock anymore. I feel the warmth. I FEEL again. I hear me. My melody. I could sing without tears falling down. And my les paul ... I took him out of the closet for the first time in 2 years. I had no remorse but just the greatest feeling of reunion.

Now, I have to go to the music store to buy a guitar pic. It seems all my music stuff is still in hawaii. Gotta get my computer back or buy one...

My really good friends are well aware of this but for all that don't know.... 3-4 years ago.. I just lost it... Lost my soul, my passion, somewhere down the line.. My melodies, my screams, my voice, all left me one day.. My work engulfed me. I got the writer's block and everything with it.
As I was teaching some of the biggest stars in Japan, I started to not be able to hear anymore.. My brain was shutting down like a dead battery. I had nothing to comment or say to my clients how to make them better, nor wanted to hear them anymore. I just went NUMB.

Through busy schedule and treated like s*** most of the time from record co. I just gradually lost passion of music. of life... Keeping the sorrow, anger, all the hazy emotions locked up in my heart made my heart of fire simmer cold into ice... I knew it was a red flag from my heart... So I packed up my bags and left my home..

I lost everything. My career, my pride, some friends, my fans... everything...

So, I went on a journey in search of passion. In search of me. The hardest years of my life.
It has taken me 3-4 years, til today. And oh boy what 3 years it has been. F****ing S**tty 3 years...of hell.

Maybe I'll tell you later about what I went through and how I got this far. Life really does work for a reason. Bad and good.

If I didn't walk out of that office, I would of still just grinded my teeth and persevere the torture of being there.

I feel as though I stood up for myself which I haven't done in a long time. It's a great comparison to .... like.... feeling like I just got laid!!! LOL.

So, today I woke up just graug-e--------- and couldn't wake up at all. But, my mind was set to apply as many jobs as possible since it's day 3 of umemployment.

As I was applying for any possible work with only one eye open I realized what ever I do that wasn't either music or CG are just gonna suck and I might as well just think of it as just a day job and have no passion at all. Then what am I to do with life?

Then I started to listen to all the songs I liked and then started to listen to my songs with the band...
Then I started to listen to all the unfinished songs I made. As I started to listen to them.... my heart started to sing with them... Then my mouth started moving... then my voice started to seep through my lips and I was.... singing again... no tears just a warm feeling of righteous love. I couldn't do that before without feeling of saddness and tears running like rain down my cheeks.
"
The last time I sang was two years in japan at my goodbye party. I couldn't sing the whole song... my voice was with no passion or love... mundane as it can be.. All my beloved friends knew and so my friends sang for me..

Then I wanted to play my guitar though I don't know how to play very well just power chords, so I digged up my les paul out of the closet. I was like a kid in a candy store.. All excited to see that sunburst shiny deliciously beautiful piece of art.

As I played I felt loads loads of weight shed off my shoulders. Too bad I don't have a band anymore. I guess I have to find one again.

All I know is I feel refreshed and just great. Like a shower after sex HAHAHAHA.
I am once again focused.

I think there are several episodes of life that led to my recovery which i will probably talk about later.

Right now and this weekend I think I'll be just having fun playing and singing and writing some lyrics.Maybe I'll make a band with my neice